Hallo! For my German homework, I had to write a classified for my apartment, pretending that it is for rent. I'm posting it here to show some of my progress in my German journey:

Miete

Bruttomiete (inkl. NK)	CHF 2500
Nettomiete (exkl. NK)	CHF 2400
Nebenkosten	CHF 100
Preiseinheit	Pro Monat

Details

Anzahl Zimmer:	4
Etage	1
Wohnfläche	90 m^2
Ausstattung	2 Balkon, Geschirrspüler

Beschreibung

Hell und große vier Zimmer Wohnung in Wollishofen. Man kann in 10 Minuten zum Zürichsee spazieren. Die Wohnung ist gegenüber der Straße von eine großen Coop und Aldi. Die Wohnung ist bei der #7 Tram; es dauert nur 15 Minuten zum HB. Neben Entlisbergwald für gutes Wandern!

Ausstattungsmerkmale

• 2 Schlafzimmer
• Verbundenes Esszimmer und Wohnzimmer
• Badezimmer mit Badewanne und Dusche
• Neue Küche (Renovation Jahr: 2018) mit Backofen, Geschirrspüler, und Herd Elektrisch
• Parkettboden im schlafzimmers, esszimmer, und wohnzimmer
• Bei 7 Tram
• Keller und waschmaschine im Obergeschoss

Fotos

It brings me no great pleasure to relate to you, dear reader, that I have in recent months been reduced to a miserable man.  It is not wear and tear on my aging joints, dairy induced indigestion or an acute case of bovinophobia; instead my troubles lie in the kitchen.  More specifically our new kitchen here in Zurich.  The small space is efficiently equipped; we added a nice butcher block counter space, our knives are sharp, the coffee is excellent, when you open the window on our quiet city street the screech of the street car is distant.  The compact refrigerator serves its purpose well.  There is no ice machine but we make do with the fiddly little ice trays.  

No, the source of my despair is a slab of smooth black ceramic glass.  It features finicky touch buttons unhelpfully labeled with incoherent pictograms.  It is our electric stove.  This infernal contraption of modern cookery has conspired to curse my most ambitious concoctions and humblest chows alike.  Upon meeting, I wanted to love this easy to clean, simple and eco-friendly cooking appliance.  The first sign of trouble began with an errant drop of liquid flung from a wayward spatula.  The appliance’s touch screen-like controls responded to the droplet first with a fusillade of sharp beeps and finally with an automatic turn off of all burners.  Little did I know, this hydrological oddity would be the least of my issues.  Throughout our months here and most pointedly in my efforts at replicating Jaques Pepin’s famous French Omelette, I have, however, become a broken chef.  

It all began in November 2020 when my mother, of Baking Bedlamite fame, sent me a link to this video: link.  The video is 3 hours long; a collection of short tutorials on essential french cooking techniques.  Chopping an onion, sharpening a knife, decapitating a lobster, and most impressionably making a traditional french omelet.  Those around me quickly grew tired of my exaggerated French accent and insistence on pronouncing tender as “taaaannnnnnnnnddderrrrrrrr”.  Months later, in May, my good friend Conor and I were incapacitated in a car accident.  I spent the first weeks of recovery lying on my back, often on the floor dealing with brutal back pain.  My mom had mailed me a copy of Jaques Pepin’s fabulous autobiography The Apprentice and I devoured it.  I spent endless hours lying on the carpet in the living room because of this book, often dreaming about food.  One of my first extended upright adventures after the accident was propped up on a stool in front of the stove.  

I recall chopping the parsley, whipping the three eggs into a tight curd and preparing for the operation from a prone position.  Despite reviewing Pepin’s video countless times, my first french omelet was not only painful and uncomfortable in the making but also not an omelet at all and more like rubbery scrambled eggs suspended in undercooked egg.  The taste of butter was enough to keep me going and over the next few months the egg consumption in our house exploded.  Stick after stick of butter I toiled away over our gas stove furiously agitating and scraping.  The omelets got better.  I gained confidence.  I started stuffing the occasional omelet.  I sought out further inspiration: link (this guy is clearly a legend...) My heat was dialed, the recipe nailed and my technique improved.

In November 2021 we moved to Switzerland.  We decided to start our kitchen over.  Our previous set of cookery was all hand me downs from previous renters and odd bits and bobs from Kathy.  We had recently seen a troubling segment on John Oliver’s show about the dangers of PFOAs and non-stick coatings so Teflon was out of the question.  I settled on carbon steel for the omelet and frying pan.  They are an excellent value, last forever, oven safe, approved by the pros!  See this Cooks Illustrated review of the style.  The deBuyer pans that showed up in the mail were beautiful, simple and professional looking implements.  I imagined my distant descendants marveling at the all natural non-stick properties of old grandpa Fred’s perfectly patinated and seasoned omelet pan.  I had grown well accustomed to guests of our old kitchen complimenting the exemplary seasoning of our Lodge cast iron pan and naively assumed I would be a natural and affectionate custodian of these new pans.

That illusion was quickly pierced by reality as I began the initial seasoning process.  Instead of the whole pan turning a slippery looking golden brown, my attempts turned out blotchy and irregular.  I was failing the fried egg test with sticking and scorching.  After repeatedly hand scouring and reseasoning I, like any good millennial, turned to youtube.  I quickly realized I was adding too much oil and switched to the oven method of seasoning which helped me achieve a beautiful, uniform and effective layer of seasoning.  The fried eggs were gliding around the pan like pucks on an air hockey table and cooked sides achieved that smooth non-stick slipperiness I had long sought.

So then, time to try another omelet!  Or so I thought...  I had been finishing up work in the office and Lisa was in the kitchen making dinner.  I ambled into the kitchen, happy to be done with my meetings where Lisa simmered a tomato sauce in my beloved pan.  We had a lovely pasta dinner and I took my turn at the sink to do the dishes.  When it came to my tenderly handled pan I found it devoid of its golden oily sheen and all seasoning comprehensively removed.  I soon recalled the old “don't cook acids in the cast iron” rule and sighed.  Back to square one but at least I knew what I was doing this time.  On the bright side, maybe the tomato trick would be easier than the tedious hand scrubbing with steel wool routine I’d been using previously to start anew.  I was beginning to understand that these pans do need somewhat extraordinary attention compared to most other kitchen implements.  I haven’t had the audacity to write a user manual for our house guests on how to clean and dry these pans.  Instead, I insist on undertaking pan cleaning and maintenance myself for fear of my charges suffering an overzealous dish soap attack or the pernicious accumulation of rust while idle on the drying rack.  Is it all worth it? For most, perhaps not, but I think you can tell by now that I am committed to making these suckas work.

Anyways, I had spent a considerable amount of oil and elbow grease learning how to properly season these pans and my non-stickiness was ready for the pinnacle of culinary achievement; the French Omelet.  Which of course brings us back to the cursed cooktop.  For the French omelet one needs a steady, consistent heat.  On our stove however, each burner does just that, it burns.  Or it’s off.  It's either Dante’s inferno or cold granite.  Despite the 1 to 9 intensity settings, there is only one intensity: scorching.  A setting of 5 seems to represent that for a given minute of cooking the element is off for 30 seconds and then blisteringly hot for the next 30 seconds.  If a slab of butter is placed in a cold pan and placed on a level 5 burner it will sit passively for a number of seconds before the red glow of the heating element kicks in.  From that moment you have 5-10 seconds to take action before things start sputtering. Soon afterwards, the 1 meter diameter hemisphere above the countertop crematorium is misted with scorching butter globules and a volcano exploration suit is required to approach the perditious pan much less attempt to adjust the stove’s stubborn touch controls.  Unsurprisingly, the pans don't like this treatment either.  They end up being subject to the cruel forces of thermal expansion and contraction when so rapidly heated.  The pans’ bottom flatnesses quickly got out of whack only exacerbating problems on the flat cooktop.

If you are by now guessing that this mischievous maillard-inducing hell-hob makes achieving the perfect French omelet near impossible, you would be correct.  A burner on the same setting behaves very differently if it has just been turned on or if it has been on for a few minutes.  The element has trouble heating the sides of the pan without scorching the bottom and the flatness issue makes for troublesome hotspots and sticky patches.  I’ve adapted parts of my technique to include a splash of water in the egg mixture and a drop of oil in the lubricating butter to some benefit but the omelets are still inconsistent at best and scrambled eggs at worst (not necessarily bad scrambled eggs but certainly not the same plated experience as Pepin).

No one has observed this journey more closely than Lisa who spent more than one night dozing off to the sound of my soft curses and vigorous scrubbing as I seasoned, de-seasoned and re-seasoned my pretty pans late into the night.  She in fact has been bugging me to write this account, perhaps as some form of therapy, for some time.  For months I said “No! I will not write about this experiment until I achieve my grail!  I cannot proceed without documentary evidence of a glistening, smooth and sumptuous lump of a french omelet. Bonus points for video of a tender creamy and perfectly cooked inside, slowly oozing out as a knife is withdrawn.”  But alas, it is now summer in Zurich.  The inconvenient burner preheating method I developed in cooler months is untenable on a hot summer day.  I’m putting my dreams on hold and preparing for the return of omelet season.  I will be back with a vigor that only Jaques Pepin can understand and I will master the perfect french omelet in my carbon steel pan.

PS:  I think my secret weapon might be the addition of a standalone single burner induction cooktop.  This thing might be the ticket and lots of fun for some other cooking fun too! Njori Tempo

Written by Kathy Englar
As more guests come to visit us in Switzerland, I encouraged my mom (a well seasoned traveller in Switzerland) to provide some tips to those who come visit.

The SBB

You have arrived by plane, but the best choice for a visitor to get around Switzerland is the excellent train system. If you’re subscribed to this blog, you know that Lisa and Freddy have navigated to many out-of-the-way places by train, bus, postal vans, and gondolas. 

A one month Swiss train pass is probably less expensive than renting a car and you can get anywhere (within Switzerland) without stressing about whether to purchase additional auto insurance. You won’t need to worry about parking and navigating in cities and you can get to every ski resort and trail head since the pass covers regional train systems, most buses, and some cable cars. The trains are clean, quiet, timely, and accommodate your recreational equipment. During my April 2022 visit, the trains were busy with backcountry skiers and cyclists and I, too, waited for the train wearing ski boots and my helmet. Each train car in ski country has ingenious rubber ski racks by the door. 

There’s an SBB customer service office in the Zurich airport, so you can buy your Swiss Pass after you collect your luggage, thus saving you from paying for your train ride into Zurich. As advised by their website, we brought passport pictures for our passes.  Download the excellent SBB mobile application in advance and be amazed about how many options you have for train and bus service. In reviewing the departure postings at the Zurich HB, we found 100 departures per hour during prime time - that’s a lot of travel options. Mobile data is excellent all over Switzerland, so we could check train departures from a trail and know whether to pick up the pace or mosey along.

Another on-time departure! Some older trains require you to lift your luggage up a couple stairs, but most like this one allow you to roll your bags on at the same level and have an extender when the door opens so there’s no gap between the platform and the train.

You can ship your heavy items ahead by train. If you’re going skiing but spending time in Zurich before and after, ship your ski bag (weight limit 25 kg) to your destination for 12 CHF for 2-day service or 15 CHF for 1-day service. We were very happy to ship our 20 kg ski bag to the Zurich airport when we left our last ski stop. Editor's note: there are other luggage delivery options, like door to door service. Follow the link above and click around. They also ship bikes!

Downhill equipment is heavy! Leaving Verbier with 120 pounds of luggage with anxiety about navigating these bags on the Verbier city bus, telecabine, regional train, SBB with a transfer - ship skis ahead!!

You can get anywhere, but it’s likely you’ll need to transfer, so do not pack like an Instagrammer (we saw so many Instagramming tourists struggling with huge bags, but I have to admit their supplies paid off because their attire, bags, hair, and makeup looked so great in front of the Matterhorn and Eiger). Our friends, a family of 5 with 9 bags, had 5 transfers between the Zurich Airport and Zermatt because of track work on the more direct route. If that’s your situation and the connection is tight, get yourself and your bags by the door when they call your station.

The trains are almost always on time (except when there is track work.) Some stations are on-demand, so if you need an on-demand stop, find the button to request it. Twice during my trip, I got on the train at an on-demand stop after hiking. It’s amazing that the conductor is ready to handle a stop immediately after exiting a tunnel when he sees you standing by a shelter waving your hand. With so many stations, including the on-demand stops, you can do point-to-point hikes or ski tours without retracing your steps. Whether you’re a fan or uphill or downhill travel, take a train one way.

At an on-demand stop after a point-to-point hike

Everyone is riding the trains/buses: oddly, little kids have two hour school lunch breaks and travel home to lunch and back again by bus.

Hospitality

Lisa and Freddy’s guest room has a blow-up bed (editor's note: it's a pull our sofa that can fit two people if you're comfortable with each other. It's utilitarian and moderately comfortable), but is also their office and gear storage space, so if you’re one of their parents (me), consider staying in a hotel. There are none in the neighborhood, but plenty around the Haubt Bahnhoff (HB), where you’ll emerge from the train from the airport and where you can catch the #7 tram to Lisa and Freddy’s apartment (Zurich city trams are covered by your SBB pass). It's a 16 minute tram ride from HB to their apartment. The HB is also a thriving shopping center where you can buy pretty much anything: electronics (if you forget your power converter), groceries, lunch, dinner, maps, watches.

We stayed in two different hotels that were modestly priced (for Zurich) and sub-5 minute walks from the train station:

• Valhalla: https://walhalla-hotel.ch/de/
• Ruby: https://www.ruby-hotels.com/en/hotels-destinations/zurich/ruby-mimi

As with all hotels throughout Switzerland, breakfasts are in another league compared to US hotels. Hotels with spas generally offer adult only/clothing-free saunas and steam rooms. Note that there are many middle-aged plus spa goers, so it will be a cultural adjustment. Since pools are open to kids, they are clothing-mandatory.

Dining: 

• No tipping required, so if your food seems 20% too expensive, keep in mind that tipping is minimal
• Food is better, particularly the dairy products, but across the board
• Lunch at a ski resort seems to involve the need for a reservation, waitress service and alcohol and espresso, and a long rest from the slopes
• For vegetarians like me: you can usually find a falafel place and the ubiquitous Coop market has a variety of vegetarian and vegan salads to go
• Beers are cheaper and when you order a beer, they just bring you one; they won’t read you a long list of what’s on tap and what’s in bottles. Editor's note: it's all 4-5% Lagers. You can get an IPA, but not everywhere
• Switzerland has a robust wine industry - grapes are everywhere in the Valais
• Cheese, cheese, cheese: We saw a cheese vending machine in Gstaad, the Coop across from Lisa and Freddy’s apartment has a temperature controlled cheese room, the same Swiss brand of Gruyere cheese we buy at Costco in Reno was so much better (fresher?) and cheaper in Switzerland, and Freddy makes a fantastic fondue (Gruyere and Vacherin).

Grapes growing on every sunny hillside in the Valais

Slopeside dining at Zermatt: generally expensive, often requires a reservation, and not a quick lunch. We had great (but costly) lunches at the Hotel Adler on the Gornergrat side and the Stafelalp under the Matterhorn.

We needed to rest after coma-inducing lunch at the on piste Hotel Adler and quit for the day after a couple more runs. We wised up after that first lunch and split our rosti next time we lunched with the family with three hearty-eating boys

Another note on hospitality: I got through a 3-week trip without changing any money, using my Visa card only. Sometimes the tapping worked, most of the time it didn’t, but the card always worked.

Language Skills

Somehow, the Swiss know by looking at you that you’re an English speaker (is it your Patagonia?) In general, everyone in a customer-facing job in Zurich speaks English, but as a visitor, you will want to know your greetings, please, and thank you in the appropriate language. In German-speaking Switzerland, the trail greeting is Gruezi (pronouned Grits-y).

When crossing from German to French to Italian speaking areas by train, there is an assumption that you magically speak the new language upon reaching a milepost. We traveled by train from Interlaken to Verbier. Between Visp and Sion, the announcements went from German-English-French to French-English-German. That was also true of my Swiss Air flight back to San Francisco: the gate announcements and initial flight attendant announcements started in German, but switched to English when two hours out from San Francisco. I felt loved because the French “Cher Passager” was literally translates to “Dear Passengers” so frequently (as in “Dear Passengers, please make sure you have all your belongings before exiting.”)

All bets are off in French speaking areas. My high school French (sufficient for restaurant ordering and directions) was critical in Martigny and Verbier. I caused confusion searching for our Verbier hotel, the Montpelier, when I pronounced it as I would the home of James Madison in rural Virginia as “Mont-peel-yer” rather than “Mon-Pell-E-A”. I’m assuming that less pervasive English speaking is also an issue in the lakes region where they speak Italian.

Other things you’ll notice:

Zurich is 10 degrees of latitude farther north than San Francisco. If you’re visiting between March and September, it will be noticeably lighter later. On Easter Sunday, it was light in Zurich past 8 PM and the downtown area was mobbed with families enjoying the city, the lake, and the holiday.

If eBikes bother you, grit your teeth. Since car ownership is lower, there is a lot of city usage of eBikes that also make their way to the trails. Lisa and Freddy live below the very popular Uetliburg recreation area which you can access by train every half hour from the HB (recommend riding to 2 stations below the summit and walking up, or the reverse) and the spaghetti bowl of trails are full of eBikes.

Highlights

Meals: While the best meal of our trip was undoubtedly Freddy’s fondue (better than we can prepare at home with credit to both Freddy and the quality of cheese in Switzerland), our best restaurant meal was at the VegiStube in Zermatt. Can you believe there is a vegetarian restaurant in Zermatt? Actually, half the room in the basement of the Pollux Hotel is a different restaurant - they can fill only half a vegetarian restaurant in a famous Swiss ski town.

Best Train Ride: The Mont Blanc Express from Martigny to Vallorcine is a must-ride. It’s hard to believe they were able to build it to begin with, much less in 1906. It’s either in a tunnel, on a bridge, or seemingly suspended over nothing on a steep hillside. Views are not for the feint of heart.

Best Ski Lift: Matterhorn Glacier Paradise, to Klein Matterhorn

https://www.matterhornparadise.ch/en/Experience/Peaks/Matterhorn-glacier-paradise

Thankfully included with your Ikon Pass, this credit to Swiss engineering takes skiers from 9600 to 12000 feet. Each car sports four rows of heated seats and a sound system, and you can pay extra to ride in the crystal cars. It’s the lift you need to take to access Cervinia on the Italian side of the Matterhorn (not included with your Ikon Pass.) From Matterhorn Glacier Express, we took a 7-mile, 6200’ descent (take that, Northstar!) to the Furi station where the snow petered out (still requiring a cable car ride down to the town and denying us more vertical.) Even if you don’t want to ski in Zermatt, buy a ski pass, so you can ride the Gornergrat, the Matterhorn Express, and Matterhorn Glacier Paradise.

Where is this lift taking us? To the little pointy top!

Most Expensive Meal: 76 CHF for two bowls of artichoke soup in Champex. Because of bad weather and avalanche danger in Verbier, we took the regional train to Orsieres and then hiked up 2500 feet of elevation in 2 miles to Champex Lac, which was a dead quiet ski town, even though the lift was still running (with little visibility that day.) Because there was a mural of skate skiers on the outside wall, we wandered into Club Alpin thinking it was a Nordic ski store, but it turned out to be a 5-star hotel with a spa and a Gault & Millau rated restaurant: https://www.auclubalpin.ch/en

We were committed before realizing it was so upscale, so we ordered off the “hiker snack” menu. Those two bowls of artichoke soup came with three courses of amuses bouche: mini cheese balls (the best part of the meal), a surprisingly good cabbage item, and two mini desserts, one of which was creme brulee, each presented by two servers with fanfare. We asked our server if it is always this quiet in Champex and she replied, “You should have seen this place two weeks ago, absolutely packed.” They have a beautiful lake side patio, so when in Champex…

Sparsely populated day with low visibility in Champex Lac

Oddest Tourist Attraction: Bond World at the Schilthorn in Murren

We picked Murren for a ski day because of our zeal to ride train and cable cars (Murren requiring a train to Lauterbrunnen then a cable car to bump up elevation to another three station train line), but little did we realize we were heading to the site of the skiing scenes in the James Bond classic On Her Majesty’s Secret Service:

They play it up big time, considering the movie was released in 1969 and very few of today’s tourists were alive then, but on the other hand, there were at least as many cable car riders wearing sneakers as there were fellow-retirees skiing on a Monday and it delivers a fabulous view of the Eiger, Monsch, and Jungfrau. I resisted the opportunity to buy a Bond Girl t-shirt, but we did take pictures. When we skied out of the building (a steep groomer), two Asian tourists asked if they could take a video of us skiing - it’s so unusual to see a skier at a ski resort?

Me with James at Piz Gloria taking in the Jungrau

James in the WC at Piz Birg - Murren is all in on the theme

Best Postcard Picture Spot - Interlaken

Our hotel was near the Interlaken Ost station, where the trains to Grindelwald and Wengen depart, but the bulk of the restaurants are near the Interlaken West station, which is on the Thunersee. Every night, we walked to dinner along a bike path by the river enjoying postcard views of the Jungrau (and many parasailors.) Interlaken Ost station is next to a large, modern youth hostel and across the street from a Coop, so budget travel opportunities abound.

The Jungfrau from Interlaken at sunset

Written by Hunter Hartshorne, Photos by Hunter, Timmy, Lisa, and Freddy

Editor's note: Hunter and Timmy came to visit us for 9 days during April. We really enjoyed hosting and having US friends visit. I encouraged Hunter to write a guest post for the AMDE blog, and he obliged. I hope this entices more friends to visit (and write guest posts!). I also hope Hunter doesn't mind that I made some editorial remarks and added photos!

Pre-traverse

I flew into Zuri (how the locals pronounce it) and had two nights in town. Timmy arrived in the evening of the first day. We went for a run from the house and explored the trails up to Uetliberg. If you bring a few franks, you can have a beer on top before rolling back down the hill. Took the 7 into town and walked around gathering some supplies. The next day, we packed up and trained to Engelberg. Our plan was to ski a day at Titlis and then drop off the backside and stay at the Grassenbiswik. This was the first glimpse of the terrain we would come to know intimately over the next week. Needless to say Timmy and I were slightly intimidated. We skied all day and decided to forgo the hut due to the very solar-affected aspect we had to ski in order to get to the hut. We trained to Andermatt and stayed at Hotel Bergidyll. This train ride is incredibly beautiful. The room was reasonably priced and the tapas in the hotel restaurant were tasty, albeit overpriced. If you plan to stay in this area for a few days I would check out the Basecamp hostel, they have a two night minimum but it’s very inexpensive and looks very nice. We walked around town and had a beer at Pinte which we were informed has a club in the basement with no closing time Thursday through the weekend. Unfortunately it was Wednesday. 

Day 1 Realp -> Albert Heim 

From Andermatt the train to Realp was 10 minutes, leaving us in a valley with a group of 8 or so French speaking skiers which was promising. Following the group with skis on our packs, Timmy and I hiked up the road switchbacking its way up out of the valley. Our destination was the Albert Heim hut 3,400ft of vert and 4.2 miles away. After about 600ft of climbing we were able to switch to skinning. We split from the group, who decided to go up and over the pass. We took the road to Tiefenbach and then the summer trail up the drainage up to the hut. We made good time, and this route seemed to be the better choice as we beat the other group to the hut by over an hour arriving around 1 pm. Dinner wasn’t till 6:30 and we quickly got to spritz’n and lounging in the sun on the porch, activities that pleasantly dominated our afternoons for the whole traverse. We met several other parties also doing the Urner who we would continue to bump into for the next few days. Lisa and Fred joined us after work squeaking in as dinner was being laid out. Four courses starting with a mediocre mushroom soup and ending with an apple tart. Note that all hut dinners are served as follows: soup, salad, main course, and of course dessert.

Day 2 Albert Heim -> Voralphütte 

Left to right: (1) Freddy ascending the last few vert before our descent to the Voralphütte (2) Timmy enjoying a Redbull break in the middle of a never-ending second climb. There are crosses everywhere in these parts! (3) Hunter about to make is 156th kick turn up a sorry stretch of south facing snow. (4) Lisa thinking she can slog through knee deep mush with no pants on. It was a mistake. (5) Timmy cruising to the top of Lochberg.

After filling up a liter and a half of tea and pocketing a butter and jam sandwich we got on our way. This was to be our biggest day with 6,400ft of climbing over 10.5 miles with two large climbs. From the hut we dropped down slightly and began the first climb up to Lochberg, our first summit of the trip. We made good time following the stream of skiers zigzagging up the firm track and booting up the last small pitch to the summit around 10 am. We dropped off the back of Lochberg and we’re greeted with a long descent down to the Göscheneralpsee Dam. Snow was fairly punchy up high and turned to mush low down. After a snack and some sunbathing at the dam we started booting up the summer trail, we still had around 3000ft of vert to do. We were able to switch to skinning after a bit of booting and snaked our way up a narrow swath of snow with a kick turn every five steps for well over 600ft up. Passing the Bergseehütte we hugged the underside of the ridge bellow towering walls working our way up shaded from the sun. A short boot took us over the ridge. The long dissenting traverse to the Voralphutte was slow and sticky. I gathered enough speed to catch some especially slow snow and take a good tumble. We reached the hut, worked and sweaty. Giving the porch viewers a show, Fred and I took a much needed dip in the river below the hut. Dinner was superb starting with a delicious bread soup and ending with pudding. 

Day 3 Voralphütte -> Tierberglihütte

Left to right: (1) Sunset at the Tierberglihütte (2) Apricot tart being devoured. (3) Beer resupply by helicopter (4) Toeside Eddy on the move! (5) Team at the top of the Sustenhorn (6) Timmy and Lisa thriving in the back.

After filling up on tea and muesli we got moving. With 5k of climbing to do over 7 miles the objective at hand felt like a relief from the previous day. We followed a benched gully up to a Chelenalphorn a bump on the shoulder of the Sustenhorn. Traversing around and hopping over the ridge we made our way up to the summit. Greeted by grand views, we looked back on the terrain we traversed through and down on the Tierberglihütte where we’re spending the night. The turns from the summit were firm but fun, at the bench we split ways Fred and I skiing lower to get a few more turns lower down before meeting Timmy and Lisa back at the hut. The Apres scene at the Tierberglihütte was hopping with beer on tap and apricot tarts in ample supply. After downing a few large beers and still hours before dinner Fred and I hatched a plan for a BN lap on the 1k pitch in direct view of the hut porch. With light packs and a stout buzz we made good time up. We were greeted with soft turns on the down, some of the best of the trip. We returned to the hut without fanfare, no one seemed to have noticed. Dinner started with a chicken soup and ended with a pastry roll. 

Day 4 Tierberglihütte-> Engelberg

Left to Right: (1) Two splitties survived some very hardpack conditions (2) Cruising up from Sustenpass (3) Jovial Joe about to ski a 6k foot descent (4) Under her Majesty Titlis

Originally we were planning to stay another night at the Sustlihütte and ski out the following day but decided to link the days and ski out early with Fred and Lisa. To get to Engelberg we had 4.600 ft of climbing over 12.5 miles and 6k of descent. We started with a long firm descent to the Hotel Steingletscher at the base of the valley where we had some tea and coffee before starting the climb up to Fünffingerstock. After some steep icy skinning we submitted Fünffingerstock around noon, still time to catch the last bus of the day back to Engelberg. The turns off the summit were surprisingly soft. With skins back on for the last time we had a short climb up to the Grassenbiwak. From there we had a long descent down into the valley. As we dropped lower spring snow made for great skiing until the snow ran out and we had to take to the summer trail. We caught the bus to the Engelberg Abbey and gorged ourselves on cheese and fresh bread made by some monks that pray to a big wheel of Gruyere in the sky. From there we grabbed a few train beers and made our way back to Zuri. 

Turns out skiing over here across the pond is closer to a booze and culinary cruise through the mountains than skimo sufferfest. Going to be dreaming about apricot tart and aperol spritz next time Conor convinces me to go winter camping in the Basin. Big thanks to Lisa and Fred for hosting Timmy and I!

Left to Right: (1) Gang walking out of the Engelberg Valley to the bus (2+3) inhaling cheese and beer at the Engelberg Abbey

Rankings:

Best Aperol spritz: Albert Heim 

Most elaborate shit conveyer system: Tierberglihütte (Note that all but one hut had composting toilets)

Best Après scene: Tierberglihütte

Best soup: Voralphütte bread soup 

Worst soup: Albert Heim “mushroom” soup 

Best tea: Albert Heim 

Worst smelling boot room: Albert Heim 

Hardest shredding staff: Voralphütte (decision solely based on goggle tan)

Most throat hacks: Timmy 

Best cowboy hat: Fred 

Advice for other visitors: 

Visited for 9 days, the major objective was a slight variation on the Urner Haute route, a ski traverse from Realp to Engelberg with a few unplanned days on either end. Upon arriving I bought a 8 day SBB unlimited train pass for $270 at the SBB office in the airport which made for convenient travel and ended up being slightly cheaper than buying individual tickets but this was only cheaper because we went to Millán for a night at the back end of the trip. If you know your travel destinations go to the SBB office at the airport or HB and have them price it out for you they’re quite helpful, you can also buy ski tickets for Titlis cheaper than at the resort. The SBB offices also do currency exchange if you have cash. 

Our friend Will Boyer was coming to town, so we had to pull out all the stops to show him that there are other cool places in the world other than Reno, Nevada!

With Job being job, I bid farewell to Freddy and Will on Wednesday and Thursday as they departed to Engelberg. They enjoyed a fun day inbounds before rappelling off Titlis and staying at the Grassen Biwak (cheapest room in town lol). The next day, they skied some glory corn on Funffingerstock before heading back and making the last connection back to Zurich. It’s great to see the Fat Ski Prince of Reno recrowned after an incident with a rock earlier this season!

On Friday, I took over the planning reins. I wanted to ski a line called El Canel Del Emperador - The Emperor’s Channel. Quite a noble name, it’s a couloir that is flanked by sheer cliffs of Dolomite-looking rock. It has two chokes about a ski length wide, cutting through the rocky north face of Chaiserstuel for 500 meters. To add to this, the suggested route to access it requires 3 pitches of hanging rappels! I have had this objective simmering since early season, waiting for the right conditions.. We’d had high pressure for over a week, and the avalanche forecast was favorable.

Will is a psych machine, tall with a hearty laugh, a man with the sauciest Instagram captions, and was happy to join for something I was so stoked about! We left early, taking the train toward Engelberg, getting off the train at the Wolfenschiessen stop, then hopping on the PostBus (transport for rural areas) up to Fell (by Oberrickenbach). Our next connection was a ten person cable car up to the small family run Bannalp ski resort. When we got off the tram, I was certainly surprised by the snowpack. Yes it hadn’t snowed in two weeks, but it was mid-March! The patchy ski resort in front of us looked like vestiges of glory that you ski with a Coors in your hand in May. A testament to the very warm and dry season the Alps have been experiencing.

We slogged up the crusty old snow until the blazing sun turned the south face we were skinning up to mush. Though unpleasant, it was short, only 700 meters to the summit of Chaiserstuel. We had a grand lunch of homemade sandwiches and Swiss chocolate, while using the Swisstopo peakfinder tool. From the top of Chaiserstuel, we were able to see Rosstock (in the Riemenstalden Valley which I talked about a few posts back), Titlis, and the Eiger.

We made our way to the first rappel point. The plan was for Freddy to set up the drone, while Will and I were to set the rappel, so we could get sick shots of us descending. Of course any plan so vain was doomed to fail.. To get to the anchor, you need to cross 20 meters of frozen grassy snow over a cliff. Will took the highline, but was extremely insecure while carrying his skis. I watched with trepidation, thinking of Bambi on ice except with a 100 foot cliff below. He had to retreat back to where I was. Now I was nervous and anxious, and for those who know me, this means I move slowly. I put my crampons on and followed the frozen steps towards the anchor until my crampon came off! Oh dear, I tried to stay calm knowing my risk is lower than the alarm bells in my head would lead me to believe. Adjust your crampons BEFORE leaving folks! I fixed the crampon and got to the anchor. During these tense 15 minutes, Freddy had abandoned his drone shot, pulled the ropes off my and Will’s backpacks, set up the anchor for us, and maybe shook his head a few times at us.

The first rappel was mellow, until I showed up at the tiny anchor ledge, where Freddy and I huddled like sardines. Below was a sheer cliff made of loose frozen rocks. Oh the places you go! We sent Will down the crux first. This was my first time on an overhanging rappel, and what I found most remarkable was the amount of ab strength I needed to summon to keep myself and my heavy pack and skis (which were on my pack) upright. Thank you Mark, my pilates instructor, for all the powerhouse training! Phew! We made it down, took off the harnesses, and the hardest part of the day was complete.

We transitioned to booting up the ascent couloir, which would be a cool, albeit short descent in and of itself. But alas, that was a passing thought once we made it to the real entrance. El Canel starts steep, with a rather intimidating cornice. After attempting to break the cornice with no luck, we felt good that it was not moving that day. Will dropped first, effortlessly slarving down the 40+ degree start. The couloir took a 90 degree turn, and he was out of sight.

I dropped (Freddy was filming now that the two baby deer were happily back in their element), scraping down the chalky snow. Once in the gut, I looked up, and felt completely engulfed by the tall vertical walls of the couloir, the only way out to go was down. The snow got better and better as it had been protected from North winds and was filled by slough from above. Though I wish I could say I turned the whole thing, I totally side-slipped through the chokes, using it as a break since my legs were burning! I finally popped out, and there were high fives all around. How sick it is to ski something that you're hyped on with buddies who are also hyped!

To make the most of a great day, we decided to make the endeavor a point to point. So we skinned East and over the ridge, skiing down to Gitschenen, another tiny ski resort/village tucked away in the Isenthal Valley. We made it four minutes before another tiny tram took us down to the road (as I mentioned..low snow). Miraculously again, we walked off the tram and the Postbus picked us up 3 minutes later. Only in Switzerland!! So thankful for incredible public transit. The Postbus took us down the scariest road I think I have ever been on: a one lane road with 180 degree turns perched on a cliff in a normal sized bus. The Postbus has a unique horn noise that I cannot describe, but you can listen to it here. I certainly don’t want to be an oncoming vehicle! This gave us incredible views of Lake Lucerne.

It dropped us off at the Altdorf train station, and two hours later we were home to meet Katura! To top of this great day, we had Fondue for dinner! Thank you Will and Katura for visiting us (and for all the hot photography)! We love having visitors, and it was lovely to host Reno’s finest for a few days.

Back to back Saturdays in late January, I went touring in the Riemenstalden Valley. Leading up to the first weekend, I gave my friend Leslie a call in the hopes she and her partner Felipe would tour with me during a two week dryspell. Freddy could not be convinced and instead went skating. Leslie suggested Riemenstalden for two reasons: it’s proximity to both of us (she lives in Andermatt) and it had the deepest snowdepth in Switzerland. After taking our AIARE 2 together, we’re all for deeply burying weak layers until they are not reactive!

To get to the Riemenstalden Valley from Zurich, you take the train to Zug, then transfer to a slow train that shuttles towns between Zug and Altdorf. I got off at Sisikon, and Leslie and Felipe drove us up a one lane farmer road. The second time Freddy and I went (carless) and took the Post Auto Van operated by a man named J Gisler (I know that from the name plate that “wünscht Ihnen eine gute Fahrt” - see folks I can read basic German sentences!). This was a bit tricky as there is one scheduled trip in the morning and evening. It takes 2 hours from our doorstep.

When you get to the town of Riemenstalden, there is a cable car that takes you from the valley floor at 1200 meters up to 1700 meters at the cost of 5 CHF. You can also purchase alpine cheese made from the cows that graze in this valley.  It’s rather mild and unassuming - a good pairing for a really sharp or stinky but certainly not the main attraction..I digress..The cable car is a no frills metal box that sits four in plastic chairs. You apparently call the farmer who owns it and he’ll operate it for you in about 20 minutes. Unfortunately both times I was there (arriving at 8:30 am on a Saturday morning) it was mobbed with people! Like a line of 30 people waiting for their shuttle bump. Both times, we opted to skin up rather than wait an hour.

This brings up another point I should convey - it was crowded! Even though there is a ton of skiable terrain up high, stuff got tracked out pretty fast. This is due to the two reasons that drew me to the area in the first place (stacked snowpack and accessibility), but it also has a ton of ~30 degree terrain (hence why we were there on a level 3 day). 

Left: Lots of traffic in the Riemenstalden Valley! Right: A modest Cross on top of Siwfass, looking South

The first weekend with Leslie and Felipe, it had snowed a bit and the winds were much lighter than predicted. We ate lunch at a summer barn that had a bench, basking in the south facing sun. The upper section had lumpy/pitchy terrain, which made the skinning through it feel a bit convoluted. We skied north from the top of Siwfass, which felt extra sweet because we were alone while a quarter mile down the ridge on Hagelstock, there was a band of 20 people transitioning. I think the reason for the discrepancy is due to Hagelstock being on skitourenguru.ch and Siwfass is not.  We dropped down a NE face where you could still get trackless pow. The snow felt like fundip: sugary and structureless. It was rather enjoyable, so we did it again. The exit was brutal - an ice luge that you had to follow because both sides were closed off wilderness areas. 

Above: the North and East sides of Diepen - the crown looked over a meter deep.

Remember the Fundip I skied the first weekend? In the week in between, it had dumped a meter of snow then rained up to 1500 meters. We were not surprised that the danger rating had increased to level 3 or 4 in much of the Swiss Alps. Fred and I decided to go back to the Riemenstalden and stay out of avalanche terrain. During this storm cycle, 9 people died in Austria and 5 in Switzerland due to avalanches. About halfway up, we saw a huge avalanche on a peak named Diepen that had a crown wrapping from SE to North. We skied NE on Hagelstock, west on Spilauer Stock, and the NW gut of Ross Stock (this is the main attraction from the cable car and SAC hut). This was my first time skiing over 2000 meters this year, and I was freaking worked! Turning around would have been futile as J Gisler in his Post Auto van was going to show up at 4:15, so we had no choice but to ski until then!

Left: Toeside Eddy pushing Lisa uphill, looking Southwest Right: Exhaustion takes over at the Aldorf Train Station

To conclude, I am giving the Riemenstalden Valley a 4 star yelp review.

The Pros:

• Cable car bump to where the snow is good
• Lots of non-avalanche terrain that’s still fun to ski
• Alp views from East to South to West
• Train/bussable
• Tends to get more snow
• Cute vibes of a small mountain village - I mean look at this website built in 2002!!

The Cons:

• Crowded!
• An unpleasant exit - rocks will kiss your bases (ask Freddy who did it on a snowboard!)
• Short shots - nothing more than ~400 meters
• Not super fallline-y